“I had heard of divorce coaching before Rebecca approached me to say that she was coaching Paul but had never had a case in which a coach was involved.  I have to admit that I felt concerned about the role of the coach and wondered how it could benefit the case. I was anxious that the coach may muddy the waters between the client and me.”

“I was delighted to find out that this was not the case at all, quite the reverse.  I found that by having Rebecca on board, Paul had another person to speak to about all the emotional trauma of his divorce.  I knew that he felt frustrated by the process and I felt that he was in danger of becoming ‘stuck’.  I was unable to speed up the process and had to work within the parameters of the court timetable. “

“Having a coach on board who not only had spent many years as a solicitor but also had the time to explain at length how it worked to Paul was invaluable.  For me, it was noticeable that at the start he asked a lot of questions which were preying on his mind. Clients tend to repeat those questions which is a common theme when under stress and when they are trying to make sense of the answers but are unable to do so as they are ‘stuck’.  However, as the coaching continued,  I noted a clear shift in focus and he was able to visualise what he wanted to achieve and was able to understand how he could get there. This made it easier for me to advise him and I knew that he was ‘hearing’ what I was saying and acting on it much better than before.”

“After each coaching session, he sent me a list of relevant questions and I could see the frustration beginning to lift. The questions were free of emotion and were focused on issues that he could control not those that he couldn’t. It felt as though the intensity had been dialled down. I understand that Rebecca showed him techniques which enabled him to reduce the feeling of being immobilised when the process itself becomes all-consuming. The end goal gets lost in all the emotion and lack of clarity.”

“My initial concerns were that as I would be explaining everything about Divorce to him and taking him through the process, why was that not sufficient?  However,  I have no hesitation recommending counsellors or other professional advisors as a valuable resource so it is just the same with a professional divorce coach. They are not a threat to our role instead, they complement it. “

“It is our role to explain the law but we cannot take responsibility for the client being in a place where that advice can be heard.  The work that he did with Rebecca made my job so much easier as my client was calm and focused and knew what he wanted. I gave him legal advice so that he knew whether his goals were realistic and he was then able to consider the advice and apply it.   The matter was settled with an outcome with which he was happy. He is now focusing on his new life and his new home with his children.”

Paul (Client):

“I instructed Rebecca as my divorce coach at a time when I was feeling very negative and uncertain about ever reaching a settlement. Looking back now that the case has settled, I can see that I had lost focus and was becoming embroiled in the process itself and focusing on obstacles which were preventing a settlement rather than on what I actually wanted to achieve.  I was feeling worse and worse. The situation at home was uncomfortable, to say the least. The pandemic had halted negotiations and now I was desperate to settle it.”

Rebecca used techniques to challenge me gently about some of the points I was making.  We worked on shifting my focus from being passive and not in control to taking back control by looking at how I wanted my future to be. I recall that in one session I said that I  saw ‘ no future’. This was a particularly difficult time. Rebecca was sensitive to how vulnerable I was feeling and asked me to identify one good thing about right now. I was able to do that after some thought but it wasn’t easy as I  was so low. We worked on other techniques to help me to move forward positively in future sessions so that I began to see beyond the all-consuming process of the divorce. As a result of those sessions, I made a life-changing decision and I knew that even if it didn’t work out,  I was now capable of making decisions again.

“There was no magic wand and for some weeks I felt as though I was unable to engage fully. In those weeks, Rebecca took me back to basics again and reiterated the early techniques of how to take responsibility and seek clarity so that I could gain control. These were just small things but they empowered me. They gave me back my focus and determination to settle the case as I was able to envisage a positive end to it.”

“The coaching helped me to take a step back and to see how I had been focusing on the wrong things. It helped me with other issues in my life as well. I applied for a promotion and was successful in that. A year ago I had been so stressed that I took several weeks’ sick leaves. I just couldn’t cope. I do believe that had I had coaching at that time, I could have avoided taking time off. “

“I was very happy with my solicitor who was excellent and got my case over the line. A huge relief for me. I feel that I was able to work with her much more productively and positively because  I knew what I wanted and I was not so mentally exhausted. I  had learned how to compartmentalise my life so that I thought about the divorce only when I needed to and didn’t allow it to take over my life.”  

“I am so pleased that I found Rebecca. She is a natural coach and her gentle but challenging questions and helpful techniques helped me to see for myself the future that I wanted instead of the endless fog of doubt and confusion.”

Me, Rebecca Bell – Divorce Coach:

When I met Paul he presented as very stressed and, he said that he was frustrated by the divorce process. He wanted it to be over. He said that he felt depressed and had no future. Paul was very receptive to the techniques and embraced them. He was very stuck on certain issues and was unable to see past them. We discussed how he could take responsibility so that he could try to shift his focus from the darkness of the divorce process and try to work out how he could get a brighter future. He felt that he had no future and so we started with basic techniques to try to break that pattern. Little by little, he was able to do that. Initially, it was just small steps but over the weeks the feelings of overwhelm shifted and he was able to move forward and stop focusing on the issues which were holding him back. He was able to envisage where he wanted to be in the near future and work out how he was going to be able to achieve his goals. Over time, his confidence grew and I noticed a change in him as he became more focused and clear. He started to enjoy life more and was planning events for the future. 

His solicitor gave him the legal advice he needed and he was better able to consider it and then give clear instructions.

I am delighted that he was able to settle his case and that he is happy with the result. This was an excellent example of collaborative working.   A separation is almost always very difficult and emotions run high.  It can be difficult to think clearly and people berate themselves that they are not behaving as they would do under normal conditions. People who are capable at work cannot understand why they struggle to understand the legal process. They think it must be a flaw in themselves. They become frustrated by the process and it becomes all-consuming. Divorce coaching helps people to understand that emotions and stress can cloud clear thought, the process itself is alien to them and is difficult to understand. Coaching can help you to process your emotions and to manage your situation better.

I was a family solicitor for over 20 years.  I worked with people as they went through court and also was a trained collaborative solicitor which means that instead of going to court we had meetings and negotiated a settlement outside of the court process. I continue to use the techniques I learned as a solicitor as well as those that I studied for my coaching accreditation I have a strong respect for family lawyers and the role they play. In my experience, a holistic approach is an excellent way to resolve the challenges of the divorce process and it is great to see people emerging from it positively and seeing a brighter future ahead.