Rebecca Bell

Highly Specialised, accredited Divorce Coach

Qualifications:  Solicitor (Non-Practicing) Certificate in Break-Up and Divorce Coaching and Certificate In Education.

What is Divorce Coaching? Is it Right for Me?

Assisting people through the difficult and emotional process of divorce and separation has been my career for 21 years.

I have helped people through this process from the amicable ones, in which people have come to a mutual decision to separate and have agreed to their financial settlement, to the sad and emotional ones where communication between the couple has become impossible.

I am based in Maidstone and can offer sessions locally in-person or from anywhere in the UK, via Zoom.

You may be at either end of the spectrum or possibly somewhere in between.  Either way, I can help.

“Coaching has helped me at a time when I was struggling with my emotions and health after my husband left.  I felt completely overwhelmed with the legal side of things and although friends all gave their advice I couldn’t see a way forward.
It did exceed my expectations as Rebecca was not only a friendly face sympathetic and understanding of my problems but also she explained my options in moving forward in a clear and knowledgeable way.
I had no idea what coaching meant when the mediator suggested it to me. I thought it might mean counselling when I needed guiding through the maze of separation and divorce.
I’ve had a number of meetings with Rebecca and we have chatted about all kinds of ways in which my separation has changed my life. This has helped me to think about what is best for me and to look to the future and how I would like to live my life. I had been so stuck in the mire of the present, but Rebecca helped me to see all the possibilities available to me.
I would definitely recommend coaching to anyone in a similar position to myself, and I wish I had known about Rebecca before I had become overwhelmed.
I have definitely felt better able to cope while having the coaching – I had somebody to ask about anything I didn’t understand and who showed a genuine interest in my difficulties.
Rebecca is very kind, very knowledgeable and has a great sense of humour but at the same time she always has my best interests at heart and of course truly confidential.”
J

My Collaborative Approach

You may think you know what you want to achieve from the settlement and are adamant that you will not move house because you want to cling to your safety net as everything else spirals out  of your control. After all , you may feel that this is not your fault.  You may hear unpalatable advice from your lawyer as to how things have to change which only adds to your distress. 

 My aim is to assist by removing the feeling of overwhelm so that you are able to manage your emotions and be ready to ‘hear’ what your legal team is advising you and to manage your emotions so that the clouds of confusion are lifted and you have clarity. 

Clarity gives you power over your life and enables you to move forward.

Honest Results

  I am an accredited divorce coach and  I  draw on my experience as a former collaborative family lawyer and qualified lecturer to help you to identify where you are by listening to you and providing techniques to help you to cope with your situation and have a brighter future.

There is no magic wand as you know but you can take the power back by managing everything into achievable stages.

 You will focus on what you can do to cope better and not on what is happening to you. You will be active and not passive. 

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Divorce Coaching
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Help With The Paperwork or In Court
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Collaborate With Your Lawyer
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Support and Planning

I had an extremely difficult divorce.  I left the family home with my 3 children and lived in rental accommodation until my case concluded in court. During that time I had coaching with Rebecca.  The fact that Rebecca has been a solicitor for over 21 years was very helpful. She has a great knowledge of the court process and the empathy to understand how I was feeling. I felt that she was ‘ bothered’ I was not just a number and  I could call upon her to ask questions. Sometimes between sessions, something would happen and I felt stressed and emotional. She would listen and help with calming techniques to help me manage my situation better. One of my biggest concerns was how to communicate with my ex-partner with regard to the children.

She helped me to reflect on my situation so that I could join the dots and understand my emotions.

In the separation process, it is often difficult to feel in control. The emotional trauma of the separation coupled with trying to understand the process was overwhelming.

I am now happily living in my new home with my children. My ex-partner and I  are co-parenting much better than I ever thought we would be able to.

It was so helpful to have Rebecca by my side throughout this difficult time.  I would certainly recommend Rebecca’s help to anyone in this situation.

Rachael

Try For Free

Book your 30-minute mini-session. This is completely free and is not a sales call.  You will experience real coaching that will enable you to understand what benefits you can expect to see from working with me. 

To book please email me at:

info@rebeccaobell.co.uk

Divorce Can Be Overwhelming.  Are You Confused, Overly Worried or Snowed Under?

You’re Not Alone. And I’m Here to Help.

It’s not just the process that is confusing but your emotions can be confusing too. 

We can work together to reduce the overwhelm and dial down your emotions to clear the fog so that you can compartmentalise what needs to be done and face your future positively. 

5 Top Tips For Working With A Lawyer

I helped a woman who felt that her husband was so bullying and controlling that she was going to get absolutely nothing out of the settlement. Somehow he managed to convince her that she and the children would all be homeless. This did not happen. I supported her emotionally throughout the process. When she emailed to say that she was ‘finished’ I called her and talked through what was happening and the techniques we would use to get it done.  She said it felt as though I had ‘saved her life’.

Rebecca, on behalf of her client

Rebecca used techniques to challenge me gently about some of the points I was making.  We worked on shifting my focus from being passive and not in control to taking back control by looking at how I wanted my future to be. I recall that in one session I said that I  saw ‘ no future’. This was a particularly difficult time. Rebecca was sensitive to how vulnerable I was feeling and asked me to identify one good thing about right now. I was able to do that after some thought but it wasn’t easy as I  was so low. We worked on other techniques to help me to move forward positively in future sessions so that I began to see beyond the all-consuming process of the divorce. As a result of those sessions, I made a life-changing decision and I knew that even if it didn’t work out,  I was now capable of making decisions again.

Paul

“I didn’t know what coaching was and was unsure of what to expect and how it could benefit my clients’ experience of divorce/separation. Having Rebecca’s help has exceeded my expectations. It helps my clients from an emotional perspective and enables them to be better prepared for their meetings with me so that I can give them the legal advice they need. Taking legal advice on divorce can be difficult and upsetting. However, after having had some coaching they are better prepared to ask questions and to take on board legal advice which calms them and saves costs.

Rebecca sometimes attends my meetings with our clients. This has been invaluable. Rebecca has been a family solicitor for many years and can recognize information in her sessions with the clients which is very important for the case but which the client is not always aware is so important. This helps me to be fully informed so that I can give advice on the issue and help them resolve their case in the best way for them.

I believe that divorce coaching is a very useful and reassuring part of the separation process and helps people both practically and emotionally during this very difficult time in their lives.

Divorce Solicitor In Kent

Another woman was in a coercive marriage.  She wasn’t able to have a job as her partner had lots of money in their job. She was home all day and they had no kids.  She started doing a course so she could be in a better position to work. She told her husband and he was critical and said it wouldn’t work. She passed the course which she did during the separation and got distinction. She is now so busy that she is turning work away and doing the work she wants to do.  

Rebecca, on behalf of her client

Frequently Asked Questions

Learn How it Works!

Won't I Have To Go To Court?
No. There are many ways to achieve a settlement and get on with your life without going to court.  The court may sometimes be the best option but it certainly isn't the only one.  There is solicitor negotiation, mediation, collaborative law and arbitration which are all ways in which a settlement can be reached.   As your coach I will be able to work with you and your lawyer to find out which is the best option  for you and I will teach you techniques to enable you to have  clarity to make your own decisions.
Won't This Make It Even MORE Expensive?
Not necessarily.  Coaching can actually work out to cost you less. This is because my rate is lower than a solicitor.  You will therefore be able to spend time with me practising techniques to help you cope better and to work well with your solicitor so that you are emotionally ready to hear the advice and to use the services of your solicitor wisely.  This saves your and their time overall as you are better prepared.  They are there to advise you but it is a two-way process and there is work for you to do as well. They give realistic advice which may not always be to your liking. You and I will work together so that you can learn how to process that advice in a timely manner and move forward.
Why Don't I Just Need A Lawyer?
If you have reached a settlement and are able to communicate with your ex then you may not need a coach. However, divorce is a hugely emotional and bewildering process. You are being asked by your lawyer to make life-changing decisions when you feel confused, upset and heartbroken.  As you know it is always easier to make a decision when you feel calm and in control. A lawyer is an expensive resource and  it is important to remember that you are paying them for legal advice not for them to be a counsellor.  Lawyers need clear instructions. You may not feel able to give that. Coaching will enable you to see the 'wood for the trees' so that you can consider  the advice and give a clear instruction. 
I Get Really Nervous/Stressed About My Ex. Can You Help?
Yes, I will give you techniques to cope with your ex so that you can cope. Stress and anxiety can be heightened when you have to discuss the children or finances and you are dreading having to do this.  Coaching can enable you to feel more empowered by giving you clarity as to how you are going to be in control in this situation..  With role play and techniques I  can help you. 
I'm Worried About All The Paperwork, Can You Help?
The paperwork can cause you to feel overwhelmed. You may be worried about asking your lawyer and be concerned about escalating your costs by doing so.  I can help you go through the forms to break them down so that it becomes a manageable exercise.  You may have been handed a Forms E  (a 30-page form) in which you provide details of your finances and documentary evidence. You may not have had any role in the financial decisions in your home, or you may feel so overwhelmed by everything that this task feels like an insurmountable obstacle. Don't worry, I have helped with hundreds of 'Forms E's and whilst I will not give legal advice, I can assist you with it.
What Do I Do About The Children?
The right thing.   Your children look to you as their role model and they will see how you are coping and the actions you take.  You will have heard of children being used as 'pawns' in separations.  I can help you with techniques to discuss the children with  your ex if that is appropriate. I can help you to work out a strategy to tell the children about the separation. 

When I first met Rebecca I was struggling with brain fog. I had just managed to leave an abusive marriage after years of trying to break free. I was mentally and physically exhausted. My ex-husband’s behaviour affected my ability to focus and think clearly. It was a relief to meet Rebecca who I felt was on my side. She didn’t judge me but listened to what I had to say and helped me to rebuild my self-esteem. I felt validated by the process. 

I used to think that I would never escape my marriage and even after I left I felt that the children and I would end up with nothing and that somehow he would take everything. She helped me to pause and focus so that I could start to see a clear path and move forward to a new life.

I felt able to tell her things that I couldn’t tell other people This helped me. Well-meaning friends would try to help but sometimes it felt as though they were judging me and would imply that it was my fault. This, I think is because people do not always understand abuse and the ways of the abuser. Rebecca helped me to identify the feelings that I had and to understand why I had them. Once  I was able to make sense of this I could move forward.  I am now much happier than I have been in a long time. I have a new job, a new partner and a new grandchild. Life is good again. 

Anyone who chooses Rebecca is on to a winner.

Kate H

Try For Free

Book your 30-minute mini-session. This is completely free and is not a sales call.  You will experience real coaching that will enable you to understand what benefits you can expect to see from working with me. 

To book please email me at:

info@rebeccaobell.co.uk